


You Hold My Head Underwater

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Tales From The Academy [2]
Category: Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Ben Solo is a Mess, Deconstruction of The Jedi Mind Trick, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Peril, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Poe Dameron, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic References, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics) Compliant, Tsunamis, badass Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 04:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30016236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe nearly loses Ben.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Tales From The Academy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208093
Kudos: 3
Collections: Allbingo, Bad Day Collection, Darkpilot: Based On Dreams





	You Hold My Head Underwater

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Water
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Dedicated to my sequence of nightmares that popped up last night. Title from a poem.

“You look a little jumpy.”  
  
Even as Poe looked over at Ben, Ben was grateful in that moment just for Poe’s presence. He didn’t like the way the water on Manaan looked. The way that it seemed to lap against the barriers that kept it in place.   
  
If it wasn’t for the fact Uncle Luke had gotten a tip about Vicrul (was it Vicrul Ren or just Vicrul?) had been spotted on Manaan, they wouldn’t even be here. Ben was at least verging on being aquaphobic now.   
  
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Ben said. “Now that I think about it.” He sighed. “I had another nightmare last night. At this point, I’ll just be trying everything I can to stay awake. I don’t want to dream.”  
  
Poe walked over towards Ben and put his hand over Ben’s own. Ben’s heart skipped a beat realizing how small it really was. It struck Ben that ever since they were kids, they had been almost like a single entity physically. Not like Siamese twins, but they were very free with hugging. And now that Poe had come back from Kijimi, it was almost like Ben was reluctant to really let him go.  
  
Ben wondered how many casual outsiders had mistaken them for being in a relationship. Ben wanted to be, with Poe...but what if he wasn’t worthy of it?  
  
“Tell me about them. If you want to.” That was Poe. His best friend. Careful, understanding, never pushing, always full of so much love for everyone.   
  
“I guess...well, for starters, I dream about tsunamis.” Ben said.   
  
“Tsunamis?” Poe said.   
  
“Big ones. We’ll usually be on the beach on Chandrila, and I’ll just see this wave getting bigger and bigger until it starts flooding everything. I try to run, and I can’t. And I hear this voice, this booming voice...I don’t remember what it says, but it’s...there. There’s a lot of chaos. The wave crashes into us and we get swept away. I see other things. The Falcon’s there, the Academy...I don’t know how they aren’t more ruined, but that’s nightmare logic for you — oh!”  
  
Poe was hugging him. Tightly, around the chest. It was something that Ben didn’t expect, but it felt nice. Even though he wished for more than this sort of dancing around each other. If only Ben wasn’t a coward...  
  
“Poe,” Ben said, wheezing. “What’s...that for?”  
  
“Because you’re not gonna lose me. Not by a long shot.”  
  
Ben laughed, softly. “I’m not...complaining about the way you show it.”  
  
"I just wish I could do more,” Poe said.   
  
“You’re...helpful.” Stupid, stupid Ben Solo, and his own stupid self-loathing holding back what he most wanted to say.   
  
***  
  
It was on Manaan itself that Luke came back, eyed the two of them. “Am I interrupting?” he said. He seemed, at least, ready to back off if Ben wanted him to.   
  
“No.” Ben said. Poe let go. Ben was disappointed, but he could only assume that he had found Vicrul.   
  
Voe, Tai and Hennix looked curiously at Ben and Poe. Ben wondered how much they suspected, at least.   
  
"He took a submersible,” Voe said. “Republic embassy. Can only assume he mind-tricked his way in; there’s no way that they’d just let a guy looking like _that_ in there without at least some form of ID.”  
  
“What do you think he’s doing?” Ben said.   
  
Voe rolled her eyes. “Something awful to Manaan, genius. Which means we should really get to the Embassy before he does it.”  
  
Voe had a point.   
  
***  
  
The leader of the Republic embassy was distraught even as he recounted what happened. “There was this...figure,” he said. “Tricked his way in. We tried to keep him out; I mean, how could you possibly let in a guy that just looks so...obviously evil? Black armor, head to toe, carrying that weapon. We had a back-up theory he was a merc, but...mercs don’t just do that thing. He waved his hand and said I’d let him to the submersibles. And...oh stars, I was so weak; it was like this compulsion came over me and I felt like I had to do it. Stars, I’ll lose my job...”  
  
“It’s okay,” Voe said. “Okay, it’s not okay, but it’s not your fault. You were mind tricked; you didn’t have any choice even if you wanted to. And if your superiors give you any grief about it, we’re on your side.”  
  
It struck Ben that it was one of those rarer moments when Voe was gentle with anyone. He couldn’t help but feel a certain sort of warmth despite how dire the situation was.   
  
“You’d...support me?” the man said softly.   
  
“We’re Jedi. Protectors of the vulnerable,” Voe said. “I wouldn’t even say ‘weak’. I mean, if he punched you in the head, it wouldn’t make you weak.”  
  
Tai beamed at her. “Well put, Voe.”  
  
Voe shrugged. “It’s just common sense. I mean, that’s what the guy did. It’s like if he pulled a weapon on him or something.” Then, “Look, whatever this schutta’s up to, we’ll stop him. We’re Jedi. We’re supposed to protect all life."  
  
The man paused. Then, “The submersibles are in the back. There’s one — but it’s got room for all of you. Thank you, Knight...”  
  
“Voe. And I’m not a Knight yet. I’ll be one day."  
  
“You speak with the wisdom of a Jedi Master.”  
  
Ben didn’t miss the smile that spread across Voe’s face. He was glad for her, in that moment. She was tough on the outside, yes, but she was as steadfast as any Jedi, and had kindness beyond measure. Hell, the only reason Ben and Voe were at odds at all was just Voe’s own demons getting in the way.   
  
She just wanted to be respected. That wasn’t hard to do.  
  
***  
  
“Damn, I didn’t expect Voe to step up.” Poe said. Voe was thankfully talking with Uncle Luke; Ben thought he could catch a snippet of their conversation, Voe asking why Vicrul thought that the Republic embassy leader was just a tool. “What do Force Sensitives have against non-Force-Sensitives anyway?” she was saying.  
  
“She’s a good person,” Ben said. “She’s just...she grew up in an abusive foster home, and I think a lot of her self-esteem issues rise from that.”  
  
“That’s terrible,” Poe said softly. “I...guess I never heard of that side of her.”  
  
“I just wish she’d realize that she is a good person, and a true Jedi.” Ben wasn’t lying either; even when he and Voe had interacted, he’d sensed fear below the surface. Fear she had nothing to give. Never mind that she was gifted, brave and loyal and kind and true. It was one of those times when Ben wished his uncle didn’t play favorites. Acting like Ben was the most powerful Jedi ever, especially when Ben didn’t feel it.  
  
“I do too,” Poe said.   
  
“Uncle Luke means well,” Ben said. “It’s just...Bastila Shan talked about how sick she was of Jedi Masters talking her up. Saying she was talented and such. She acted confident, but she was really a wreck inside. Sometimes...sometimes I think I’m Bastila.”  
  
“You’re Bastila?”  
  
“Well, I don’t have the pigtails, but you get my point. I’m just tired of being talked up as this powerful Jedi. All that talk about ‘Skywalker blood’ and me being powerful and stuff like that...I’m tired of it. I just want to be Ben." Ben sighed. “People think they know me. No one does.”  
  
“I do,” Poe said, and there was something about it that was a balm to Ben’s spirit.   
  
***  
  
They took the submersible down. If not for the fact they were in a truly dire situation, Ben would have appreciated the sight of the water, the different bits of ocean life underneath.   
  
“They’re restless,” Tai said. “Scared. They don’t know what Vicrul’s going to do, but it’s going to destroy their home and uproot it as much as anything.”  
  
“You can feel it?” Voe said to Tai.   
  
Hennix snorted. “Tai’s an empath. Of course he feels these things, more strongly than the rest of us.”  
  
Ben frowned, but didn’t comment. If only Hennix knew.   
  
They reached the facility. Ben turned to Poe. “If it wasn’t for the fact that we’re running out of time,” he said, “I’d show you more of it.”  
  
“Yeah. I know. Seeing all this beauty in time for it to be destroyed,” Poe said. “I think that’s why we have to move quickly. For the sake of all life.”  
  
***  
  
There was only one envirosuit left. (Vicrul must have taken the other one)  
  
Ben volunteered.  
  
Luke looked pained. Even Voe looked, visibly, concerned. (Of course. They had their disagreements, but it didn’t mean she wanted him dead)   
  
“Ben,” Luke said, “Just be careful.”  
  
“I’ll be fine,” Ben said.   
  
Even getting dressed in the envirosuit, Ben took a look at Poe through the visor of the suit, it occurring to him that this was the last time he’d ever see Poe.   
  
“Just make sure you get that suit back in one piece.” Poe said. “And yourself.”  
  
That went without saying. Ben spoke, his voice sounding strangely muffled and filtered through the helmet. “Will do.”  
  
They didn’t hug. They didn’t kiss. But Poe’s hands on his upper arms...it was almost like he wanted to hug Ben. Maybe kiss the visor of his helmet.   
  
Maybe that was wishful thinking.   
  
“I’ll be fine,” Ben said. “I promise.”  
  
***  
  
The sea was almost crushing around him. Being this far down...there was something about it that could have been exhilarating if not for what was currently happening. Couldn’t he swim faster? Swim at all in the suit? Couldn’t he at least trot in the suit?  
  
Stupid, cumbersome thing, Ben thought. He didn’t like it, not the way that the visor narrowed his vision, not the way that it felt suffocating.  
  
But he could keep going. Press forward...and get to the destination he needed to get to.   
  
Poe’s voice echoed over his comm. “Don’t forget to breathe,” he said. “Breathing’s good.”  
  
“Dude, he knows what he’s doing,” Hennix cut in over the comm. “Let him do his job.”  
  
Poe sighed. “I know, Hennix.”  
  
There was something about Poe’s voice, at least, that kept Ben going. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other foot...  
  
***  
  
“Oh, it’s you,” Vicrul said casually, when Ben found him in front of the terminal. “Think you’re too late, kid. Once I get the terminal going, Manaan’s going bye-bye.”  
  
“You’re going to blow it up?” Ben said, trying to keep his voice even. “What’s the point? I mean, surely the Knights of Ren aren’t going to sacrifice a potential planet they can rule.”  
  
"We follow the ren. If the ren demands what you call wanton slaughter, we shall be harvesters of souls. I’m going to start an earthquake on Manaan. From there...well, the ocean will do its job."  
  
 _A tsunami._ “What’s the point?” Ben said. “It’ll kill millions of people!”  
  
“Oh, I’m aware of that,” Vicrul said. “It’s the price you pay when you refuse to bow down to the Sith.”  
  
“You’re insane,” Ben said. Who tried to wipe out a planet for a “crime” committed centuries ago?  
  
“From your point of view,” said Vicrul.   
  
“From a reasonable point of view,” Ben said.   
  
He took out his sonic emitter and fired.   
  
It knocked Vicrul back.   
  
The countdown was in motion, at least, to cause the necessary disruption to cause the tsunami. He contacted Poe. “Get to the surface!” he said. "The others need to be evacuated, and fast. Vicrul’s about to cause a tsunami.”  
  
“On it,” Poe said. “I promise we’re coming back for you.”  
  
Ben smiled under the visor. “I know.”  
  
He sliced into the terminal. Fumbled, even as he felt the disturbance of the tsunami forming, of people panicking at the sight, of other fish fleeing under the ocean’s surface. Stopped the countdown just in time.   
  
Vicrul was getting up. Ben couldn’t let him have another chance. When he had the option to overload the console, Ben took it.  
  
If he died stupidly, Ben thought, at least he was doing the right thing.   
  
***  
  
When Ben woke, he was in a medbay, the echoing of the Emperor’s laughter in his ears — so he must have really been dreaming. Poe was sitting by his bedside, holding his hand.   
  
“You scared the hell out of me, Ben,” Poe said. “You could have died. If it wasn’t for that envirosuit, you would have died.”  
  
“Did I succeed in...?”  
  
“You stopped the tsunami,” Poe said. “I’m glad you did. I just...I nearly lost you.”  
  
 _Nearly lost you._ There was so much feeling there, so much fear of what could have happened.   
  
“I’m here,” Ben said. “Did Voe...?”  
  
“She made a powerful argument that it wasn’t the Republic embassy guy’s fault. He’s keeping his job on the condition he sees a therapist for the trauma.”  
  
“That’s great!” Ben said. Then, “Who got me out?”  
  
“The Republic embassy did. I...pretty much insisted they get you out. I couldn’t lose you, Ben. The idea of a life without you in it...I can’t even think about it.”  
  
Ben reached up towards Poe’s face. “I’m here. I’m all right.”  
  
He traced the lines of Poe’s face. It would be easy to kiss him, if he wasn’t so sore.   
  
“You should rest,” Poe said. “We’re leaving once you’re well.”  
  
Ben did rest. Vicrul had left as well, Ben could feel it. Ren had picked him up. To think that they had been so close to losing Manaan...  
  
For the moment, with Poe with him, his sleep was peaceful.


End file.
